-- Gosh, you're lucky. I sure wish men could experience the miracle of childbirth.


-- Do you think the baby will come before Monday Night Football starts?


-- I hope your ready. The Glamour Shot photographer will be here in fifteen minutes.


-- If you think this hurts, I should tell you about the time I twisted my ankle playing basketball.


-- That was the kids on the phone. Did you have anything planned for dinner?


-- When you lay on your back, you look like a python that swallowed a wild boar.


-- You don't need an epidural. Just relax and enjoy the moment.


-- This whole experience kind of reminds me of an episode from I Love Lucy.


-- Oops! Which cord was I supposed to cut?


-- Stop your swearing and just breathe.


-- Remember what we learned in Lamaze class! HEE HEE HOO HOO. You're not using the right words.


-- Your stomach still looks like there's another one in there.

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